Guestblog: "100 Holes, 99 Pieces of Gum: A Look at the Cincinnati Bengals"

It's been very guest-bloggy up in here lately, as I've been doing some business travel. Also, when the posts floating your way are this good, it's impossible to turn them down. My brother Bradley wrote this post... he is quickly becoming my sports writer, as that's one area of Cincinnati heritage that I can't begin to cover with any competence!

Did you ever see that scene in Vegas Vacation, when Clark Griswold is at the Hoover Dam and tries to plug the holes with his gum? I've always felt the Bengals to be in a similar situation, where the moment our running game takes off, the passing game breaks down. And as soon as our passing game tightens up, our long-snapper goes kaput. Then it's our tight ends, then it's our defensive backs, then it's this, then it's that.

Now most of that can be chalked up to the game of football. Generally, when guys collide at three hundred miles an hour, sixteen days a week for forty-two million, things aren't going to work well every time. But damnit, if it's not one thing it's another with the Cincinnati Bengals. So let's take a look at some of the holes that need to be filled in the organization, and what can realistically be hastily taped up until next year.

Arguably, the tight end is the most important position to be filled by the Bengals right now. Banter has gone back and forth about the resigning of Reggie Kelly, who was lost to a season-ending injury, but no final word has been made on a return. The Bengals then lost Ben Utecht to injury, and are finally releasing him to the free agency. Chase Coffman, same story, and I hope you're seeing a pattern here. So the position was finally given to a combination of the Daniel Coats and JP Foschi. Coats quickly earned my status as "the next Brad St. Louis," because of his inability to perform.


So, with the position in question and clearly no easy solution in sight, the Bengals have to focus this season on pursuing a tight end. This means a number of things, like further pursuing Reggie Kelly, a tested tight end who knows the team, knows the plays, and knows how much he should earn; or do we continue the Bengals' streak of finding talent in youth: spending precious draft picks on an untested college kid, or (uncharacteristically) anchor down a big name from another team, in exchange for what I can only assume would be talent from our own field.

But the bigger problem I have with the tight end position is the role the tight end plays in the line. Every site I've read so far has demanded the player be active enough to catch pass-after-pass from Palmer, and planting on the field as a security blanket for our passing game. However, after watching an often-times fearful Carson Palmer make throws off his back foot in fear of being tackled, I'd like to think a credible argument could be made that a blocking tight end could be more valuable overall. With the roster full of wide-out options, it seems silly to me to add one more to the mix, especially with the short routes that Coles can handle, and the amount of times another blocker could have prevented turnovers, or given Palmer that extra second he needed. The way I see it, Palmer needs time, not options: so let's give him just that.

And not as a direct contradiction to what I just said, but beefing up the wide-out options is the second priority of the Bengals in the off-season. With the departure of TJ Houshmandzadeh, it was quickly realized that no one man could step up to do his job: that it would take the entire receiving corp to provide the depth and openings that TJ himself provided for the Bengals. But with the unfortunate passing of Chris Henry, and the less-than-exemplary display by Coles, it's clear that the options Palmer once had need to return to what they once were, and not what "should be" by fans.

A lot of armchair writers have discussed the importance of adding more receivers to the mix, to give Palmer more hands to throw to. But is that really where we need to spend time and money, when the tight end problem is still here, and the receivers we have are still developing? And what do we expect from our passing game, to overshadow what it once was in 2005? Let's try and be realistic about what can happen in just one year. Similar to the tight end, we're left with drafting a rookie, paying big bucks for a big name, or trading away pre-existing strengths.

The solution isn't simple, and is also a matter of coaching. Where does Marvin Lewis want to take us? Where does Bob Bratkowski fit into the picture? And do we want to return to the old dynamic of two great receivers on both ends of the field, or a rotating mixture of rookies to fill the void? Do we stay the course and run the ball? And are the wideout options really the most important areas to focus on? We have young players to cultivate, and we have the team as a whole to look at, not just one side of the ball, one set of hands, or one player's attitude. Locker room chemistry can't be bought, and healthy players can go at any minute.

Let's just hope the gum holds.

Green Dog Café giveaway UPDATE

On Tuesday, I announced a contest for a Green Dog Cafe gift card. With 21 comments (whaaat!) I am now closing the contest and calling it one hell of a success.

We will announce the winner on Tuesday, at which time I will (hopefully) have a $21 gift card to pop in the mail for the lucky dog that we randomly choose!

Green Dog Café giveaway

Yesterday I mentioned that I really enjoyed Green Dog Cafe, and I am committed to supporting places like Green Dog whenever I can. I love their mission to use locally-grown ingredients and ecologically sensitive practices.

Also their food is delish, so.

I'm going to give away a gift card, and here's my twist: the more comments I get, the more the gift card will be worth. If I can get 5 "votes," I'll buy a $5 gift card. 10 votes, $10. I saw you guys crawl out of the woodwork on Jennifer's awesome guest post, so I know you're out there.

All you need to do it leave a comment on this post, mentioning any local restaurant that you love. I don't care if you duplicate someone else. Each individual who "votes" will bump up the gift card, for a max of $25. (I'm not made of money, people. Green Dog is not sponsoring this, I just love you that much.) I'll have someone besides myself choose a winner, and I'll let you know in a week who will take home the $x gift card!

Green Dog Café

Oh the deliciousness!!


Back story: Dan has slept for about 4 hours out of the past 40 or so. There were some big issues at the data center where he works, and he's been workin' 'round the clock.

On my way home, I told him I was going to pick him up and take him to dinner. Because he had no capacity to do things like "choose" or "think," I surprised him by driving to a cafe we'd passed a hundred times and always mentioned that we would visit.


I am so glad that we did. I LOVED Green Dog Cafe! Green Dog was created by the same pair who made Brown Dog (where I've also never been), but it's GREEN Dog because of the ecological focus. The cafe itself is eco-friendly in a multitude of ways, and all of their food is organic and created with locally-grown foods. They even have a separate brochure that lists where they get each ingredient.

Oh, and tons of gluten-free and/or vegetarian options. EVERYTHING on the menu looked delicious. I chose the turkey burger with salsa and avocado with wild rice on the side. Dan had a massive hot dog with bacon wrapped around it. (This dish was not vegetarian-friendly, I'm afraid.) We also has an edamame appetizer.



We both loved our food. (Dan said he would have ordered his hot dog without the spicy mustard, had he thought of it. But he was otherwise pleased as punch.)

We also had some Jeni's ice cream, which I'd only had in Columbus before, at their version of Findlay Market (North Market). We had half dark chocolate, half peanut brittle, and they were both PHENOMENAL. Jeni's ice cream is something you simply must try once in your life (more if you're able!) For me, it's the only ice cream that rivals Graeter's-- I like the flavors of Jeni's better, but the textures of Graeter's.

(And for what it's worth, I consider gelato to be in a class of its own.)

In conclusion: PLEASE EAT THERE. There may even be a contest starting tomorrow to help you out with that...

Green Dog Cafe's website: http://greendogcafe.net/
Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams' website: http://jenisicecreams.com/

Green Dog  on Urbanspoon

Sugar Cupcakery

I managed to snap a few more pictures of Sugar Cupcakery (though I apologize that they are still pretty low-quality):





I really enjoyed Sugar. Their cupcakes are all organic-- they are smaller than at Abby Girl, and a bit higher priced ($3.25 each), but I thought they tasted better. The frosting in particular is of a delicious consistency-- I am picky about my icing, and this was decadent.

The other thing that Sugar does well is social media! Abby Girl has no UrbanSpoon page (yet), Sugar has responded to me on Twitter, AND when I checked in on FourSquare I won a free cupcake! Gotta love that stuff.

If there was a downside, it was that I didn't get much of a variety-- because Sugar is only open until 7pm and it's out in Milford, we pulled up right as they were closing. We took home a chocolate chai, a vanilla, and a banana-- all were DELICIOUS, but I've heard talk of other flavors that I'm dying to try. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get out to Milford any sooner than closing!

Sugar Cupcakery website: http://sugarcupcakery.com/
Sugar Cupcakery on Twitter: http://twitter.com/sugarcupcakery

Sugar Cupcakery on Urbanspoon

Abby Girl Sweets Cupcakery

I've been in a cupcakey mood lately, and I've hit up both Abby Girl Sweets and Sugar Cupcakery (reviewed tomorrow). First, a couple (bad) iPhone pictures:



I actually didn't EAT any of the cupcakes from Abby Girl-- I bought them for coworkers. I purchased a Neapolitan (strawberry cake, vanilla and chocolate frosting), a double chocolate and a peanut butter cup. They were all well-received, but I heard the best things about the strawberry cake in the Neapolitan!

I do like the family focus at Abby Girl. You can read their story on their homepage, but Abby Girl is the granddaughter in the family. It's a sweet story and a welcome addition to the downtown scene.

Abby Girl Sweets Cupcakery website: http://www.abbygirlsweets.com/

Abby Girl Sweets on Urbanspoon

Guestblog: In Defense of the Suburbs

Jennifer Reed, friend of mine and author of the blog Guerrilla Wordfare, had an idea in need of a home, and I'm thrilled to post her guestblog here. If you have any comments, please leave them here or drop Jennifer a line [guerillawordfare at gmail]!

Like many in the tri-state area, I live in a suburb and commute to Downtown Cincinnati to work. Like others who choose this lifestyle, I often feel blame from people so rabid about renewal and revival they associate anyone who lives beyond the city limits with economic failure and business closures.

I live in the Eastgate area, and I have my reasons. Sure, my house looks like the stereotypical suburbanite abode, with its white fences and a wreath on the door. But I'm also near family, own a home I could never afford if it were only one county over and enjoy an admittedly quieter everyday life than I would if I lived in the city.

That being said, I love being Downtown and work on Main Street. I spend my money on independent dining establishments and in local shops. I frequent Findlay Market and our fine museums and am often present to cheer on our Bengals and Reds. I've paid my fair share of parking fees, given to the homeless and tweet about the latest and greatest events on Fountain Square.

Why, then, do I read so many blog posts, news stories and message board comments that angrily assume that my zip code determines my love for or loathing of Cincinnati? If I'm to believe everything I read online, I'm a scared suburbanite and a silly sheep. I cross the streets to avoid other races. I am blind to the small business owner's plight and the beauty of Porkopolis. Oh, please.

Why do so many people feel the need to bash where I live? Most responses to my answer when asked are to the effect of "Why the hell do you live all the way out there?" Or worse, people are surprised by my love of museums and festivals and by my knowledge of local history when they discover I'm not a city dweller.

My answer to these jeers is this: I live all the way out here because I like it. I frequent Downtown because I like it too. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Are Downtown residents somehow more justified in their shopping habits or more culturally advanced than someone who lives mere minutes away? I'd venture to say that many frequent Cincinnati establishments for the same reason I patronize family businesses in the suburbs: primarily because they're convenient. Secondarily, because it feels good to support a local business. Am I the only one to admit that love of convenience in the city is often given the veil of doing good?

That's not to say there aren't a great deal of folks out there who are fighting a good fight to revitalize Cincinnati neighborhoods. I know you're out there. For every person who shops at a chain store, there's another who passes five to get to a local joint. There are people opening businesses, renovating old buildings and putting folks to work.

And it's also not to say that the suburbs don't, in part, deserve the bad rap. After all, any exit ramp in the 'burbs will lead you straight to strip malls and big box stores. But I also enjoy a nearby Ohio State Park, several nature preserves, drives in the country and excursions to Amish bakeries and barn sales.

What's my point? Don't judge a local by their distance from the city center. And I love you, Cincinnati. It's just that sometimes, I'm not feeling the love back.